We have been in the states for a week now enjoying a gift of vacation from some precious friends. A few days into our annual stateside visit, I noticed some things about myself that I had to get figured out with God.
We were totally consumed with rest, good food, hot baths, limitless internet, swimming, family time, etc. and yet I found myself impatient, a little gripy, and snappy. We are being renewed right?! ALL of our wants and needs are completely being met…or are they?
After a time of Sabbath, I realized in Haiti we are constantly pouring out. Having a daily household of sixteen kids and living in a community of twenty takes selflessness and pressing into Christ, desperate for his touch and intimacy that fills you to live beyond yourself. We could not victoriously exist otherwise.
When you do this, your physical state may be stripped but your spiritual state is so empowered and you are abiding in the Spirit of Christ and what flows out is the fruit of the Spirit. Here, for me, it was the opposite.
I was melting in repentance as I read through scripture I have read numerous times, nearly to memorization…Gal. 5
My Bible has these sections titled, Keep Your Freedom & The Spirit and Human Nature
Being touched by the reminder of what the Spirit of God produces; I went to 1 Corinthians 13, throughout both scriptures I found myself answering tough questions within about what was flowing from me as a wife & mommy.
Initially it would be easy to say I’m stressed in new ways or overwhelmed by “adjusting” to the states or even physically battling monthly female issues but those are all EXCUSES and nothing that trumps the power of the Spirit of God or living out kingdom culture.
Truth is, I spent days feeding all things ME. I was reacting selfishly because I was allowing human nature things to satisfy me and not my Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, You can have both and balance both with victory but at that time and moment, I wasn’t. I was talking to God (praying) and living with truth within me but not abiding in the Spirit of God because I hadn’t been desperately pressing into him daily to complete and satisfy me in the way that I do at home. **Note to self: God doesn’t stay at home when you go on vacation… for me I had to realize that my FOCUS was on hot baths, food, and rest/sleeping, etc. After a few days of that, in little ways I was looking to my husband and children to be that satisfaction and when either did something I didn’t like or irritating; I snapped! Why?! Well, #1 it’s not their job to make me happy. Feeding my selfish and flesh desires or putting focus on them didn’t produce beautiful things within me because Christ alone wasn’t my satisfaction.
This was a perfect way to get this season started and remind me to keep the main thing, the main thing. I am so thankful for this time in many ways and thankful that God reveals himself to me through discipline and ready to out this weekend and begin sharing this faith journey!
houseofmoseshaiti 